tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6324469896665114883.post2152686441402886116..comments2023-08-27T12:05:50.545+01:00Comments on Cleaner Light: divide-and-rulecleaner lighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06847338845154972154noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6324469896665114883.post-38493118907879309032009-09-05T09:46:54.098+01:002009-09-05T09:46:54.098+01:00This thread really struck a chord for me. Growing ...This thread really struck a chord for me. Growing up with domestic violence, I never tied in the 'playing favorites with the kids' with the abuse. The feeling of always competing to be the 'good one' rather than the 'bad one' lead to great insecurity. The violence that erupted between my brother and I around this, and what felt like the condoning of his violence, obviously made me feel extremly angry, but this anger (and that at seeing the way my dad treated my mum) had to be suppressed. What played out between my mum and dad played out between me and my brother. To this day he will not talk about the violence we grew up with (although he was more at the hands of it from my dad than i)and i wonder if that woul mean admitting not only those feelings of being a powerless male (masculinity)but also his own guilt at how he played out the violence, and his own fear that deep down he liked what that power over someone, that control felt like. I can totally see how the divide and rule idea worked in my home, it always felt like #everyman for themselves'. As an adult out of the environmnet, with my own autonomy, i can now offer that loyalty, that solidarity to my mum. On another note, i do strongly agree that isolation is a core method of control in all abuse situations, dependency on the abuser for what feels like your 'right to survive', critisism of one's choices, eg. we (me and mum) could never wear polo neck jumpers in my house or tie our hair up, (apparently it made us look like lesbians') control over how one spends her time, mum could never see her freinds as dad accused her of affiars and/or being a lesbian. i could go on. I just appreciate the chance to share my ideas through my experiences and actually to break that more desperately powerful of abusive strategies: silence.DDDuvetnoreply@blogger.com