Thursday, 25 March 2010

...and on comfort

i've just read this heartbreakingly eloquent piece by melissa mcewan at Shakesville (via The Curvature). to disrupt and uproot this stuff - abuse, oppression - we have to confront the ways in which our comfort oppresses. what is it maintained at the expense of? (and, for me personally, to what extent to i allow people their comfort at the expense of my dignity?)
"I never know when I might next get knocked off-kilter with something that puts me in the position, once again, of choosing between my dignity and the serenity of our relationship.

Swallow shit, or ruin the entire afternoon?


This, then, is the terrible bargain we have regretfully struck: Men are allowed the easy comfort of their unexamined privilege, but my regard will always be shot through with a steely, anxious bolt of caution. 
A shitty bargain all around, really. But there it is.

There are men who will read this post and think, huffily, dismissively, that a person of color could write a post very much like this one about white people, about me. That's absolutely right. So could a lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual, an asexual. So could a trans or intersex person (which hardly makes a comprehensive list). I'm okay with that. I don't feel hated. I feel mistrusted—and I understand it; I respect it. It means, for me, I must be vigilant, must make myself trustworthy. Every day."

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